The Correspondent

Gilbert’s dying. It became the whole thing. You, Bruce and Fiona, my brother, our friends, my work, the house, our life, all of that was sitting on the sidelines, but I was in the ring wrestling, bloody, half-dead, with Gill’s death. Parenting the other two, trying to help them with their own grief, was like acting. I could say what needed to be said, but I was only thinking of myself in the ring with Gill’s death. I have asked Bruce and Fiona about that period of time. I was surprised to learn they’re both in therapy. I think neither of us was able to shepherd them in those first crucial months, submerged, completely, in the swamp water of despair. We were needing the same thing, you and I, a temple in which to tuck away and disappear from the earth, to mourn at the altar of our desolation, but we had the children, so we could not. Could we have held onto each other? I’ve wondered. We did the best we could and it was not enough. The four of us came away injured, but is there any other way for a person to come through? Oh, Gilbert. I do hope there is an afterlife as I have always believed, a heaven. I hope I will see him and know him there. I believe I’ve been looking forward to death on one hand.
From the archives
·
2001
Amaryllis Night And Day
I've already gone into our conversation about my bird-women. That took place a few months after I asked her to move in with me and she said no. As I think of it now I know we'd have driven each other crazy but at the time her refusal shook me and I had to accept that something had gone out of what we had at the beginning. People say, 'Let's cut to the chase,' when they want to bypass all the introductory material and get to the heart of the matter but maybe in matters of love the introductory materials is the heart of the matter - that mutually respectful recognition that doesn't want to lose any of the goodness of the thing by hurrying. Lenore and I had certainly cut to the chase and I know now that something was lost in the process. 'It's how you enter a room that matters,' a woman once said to me, and more and more I think she was right.

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Amaryllis Night And Day

I've already gone into our conversation about my bird-women. That took place a few months after I asked her to move in with me and she said no. As I think of it now I know we'd have driven each other crazy but at the time her refusal shook me and I had to accept that something had gone out of what we had at the beginning. People say, 'Let's cut to the chase,' when they want to bypass all the introductory material and get to the heart of the matter but maybe in matters of love the introductory materials is the heart of the matter - that mutually respectful recognition that doesn't want to lose any of the goodness of the thing by hurrying. Lenore and I had certainly cut to the chase and I know now that something was lost in the process. 'It's how you enter a room that matters,' a woman once said to me, and more and more I think she was right.

Read more of this excerpt...





