The Third Policeman

The Third Policeman

‘The first beginnings of wisdom,’ he said, ‘is to ask questions but never to answer any. You get wisdom from asking and I from not answering. Would you believe that there is a great increase in crime in this locality? Last year we had sixty-nine cases of no lights, thirteen cases of riding on the footpath and four stolen. There was one case of wanton damage to a three-speed gear, there is sure to be a claim at the next Court and the area of charge will be the parish. Before the year is out there is certain to be a pump stolen, a very depraved and despicable manifestation of criminality and a blot on the country.’

‘Indeed,’ I said…

I thought it would be better to try to change the conversation from bicycles.

‘You told me what the first rule of wisdom is,’ I said. ‘What is the second rule?’

‘That can be answered,’ he said. ‘There are five in all. Always ask any questions that are to be asked and never answer any. Turn everything you hear to your own advantage. Always carry a repair outfit. Take left turns as much as possible. Never apply your front brake first.’

And then:

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  2. The Third Policeman ‘The last hanging we had in this parish,’ he said, ‘was thiry years ago. It was a very famous man...
  3. What The Water Feels Like To The Fishes Like the fur of a chinchilla. Like the cleanest tooth. Yes, the fishes say, this is what it feels like....
  4. Cry, The Beloved Country - I’ve spoken to Mary, he said to me. She and I agree that it’s more important to speak the...
  5. The Lion of Boaz-Jachin and Jachin-Boaz ‘Show me a crux and I’ll show you the cracks,’ said the tightly furled man. ‘You’re not talking to squares...

24. April 2009 by The Geecologist
Quoted from Flann O'Brien originally written in 1967

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